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When a high school student lacks the motivation to complete his schoolwork, we need to look not only at him but at the reasons behind the lack of motivation.

Self-esteem issues can plague individuals with ADHD. There are many causes but there is help.



This month, a short and to the point question about disciplining children

I need suggestions on alternative ways to discipline a child with ADD.  I do not and will not spank.  Please help

Last Month: A mother is looking for ways to help her teenage son deal with anger.

Special Section: Mini EBook for Day Care Providers and Preschool Teachers on ADHD in Preschool

What Is ADD/ADHD ] Early Indicators ] Age of Diagnosis ] Daily Life ] [ How Are Parents Affected? ] A Word About Overdiagnosis/Underdiagnosis ] Treatment Methods ] Tips For Management Of ADHD In Preschool ] Talking To Parents ] Ideas For Motivation ] Links and Resources ]

How are parents affected?


One mother described her life with her son with ADD/ADHD before he was diagnosed.    When she brought him to the day care center, he would be upset, not wanting to go.  Eventually, she would be able to leave without much of a fuss, however, most days she spent worrying each time the phone rang, wondering what her son might have done now and what she would do if yet another day care felt they could not keep her son.  Each afternoon she watched as other parents picked up their children, watching the children run to them, show them their creations of art, and happily chat with their parents about their day.  Her time, instead, was filled with tension, listening patiently to the antics of her child, wondering what was the matter, as no other parent seemed to be called over to the teacher each day.  Her tears would come later, once safely in her car.  The tears were for the grief she felt at not being able to enjoy the end of day reunion with her child as other parents did.  The tears were from worry, wondering what was wrong with her child and the frustration of having no answers.  It was a relief that the day was over and the anxiety she felt all day while not with her child and wondering what trouble he was in ended for a few hours.  Even though the evening loomed over her head, it was a great weight lifted not having to worry about the phone ringing with yet another problem.  

But the tension and the constant reminders from school staff and other parents continued to eat away at her.  After hearing it so many times, she no longer could confidently say that she was a good mother.  In her mind, it was her failure, not that of her child.  No good mother would have a child that misbehaved so often.  The relationship between her and her child was stressed, she snapped easier at his misbehaviors, trying to will him into compliance of the rules.  And other times she could not go on and ignored the misbehaviors, all the time wondering what was wrong and finding no answers.  

Her relationship with her husband became strained, each blaming the other and each saying “If you would just…” But no matter what they tried, behavior didn’t improve and the stress of living with a tornado was hard.  

Her relationships with her family and friends became strained.  She started avoiding family gatherings and get-togethers with friends, afraid of how her child would behave and not wanting to be embarrassed yet again.  She was tired of the stares, tired of the insinuations that she did not discipline her child, tired of the constant being tired.  

But through it all, she loved her child dearly, and would sit for a few minutes in his room after he fell asleep.  She would watch her peaceful angel and feel her deep love for him.  It would give her the strength to make it through one more day, and would provide her with the reassurance that he was indeed an angel in disguise, worth fighting for and worth all of her worry, her patience and her time.  

This story illustrates how parents can feel.  It is not unrealistic and shows the constant torment that many parents go through each day.  Having a child with ADD/ADHD is a full time job.  It requires endless energy, creativity and more patience than most of us can imagine.  Until recently, very little support for parents was available.  The lack of understanding of ADD/ADHD can cause harsh remarks and insults to parents trying their hardest.  Even now, the controversary that surrounds ADHD can cause children to go undiagnosed can cause parents to fear the label of ADHD and keep parents from seeking proper treatment. 








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